Dhammoniker

Dheymooooooooooo - resounded someone’s voice, across the corridor, one afternoon in October 1996. The sound sounded like a cow in labour uttering a plaintive cry – You know how cows go moo, moo, mooooo. I was wondering who that might be referring to. Then I saw Debi, my hostel rep walking towards me cheerfully calling me Dheymoo again. It was then I realized that my name had been slaughtered at the altar of hostel nicknames – where anything that is longer than 2 syllables gets truncated into something that can be said quickly. For ex, Balasubramaniam/n, a standard name in the southern part of India, becomes Balls! Punit Mahajan becomes Puma, Punit Kohli becomes Puko! Yecch! I guess you get the idea. Sometimes you wish your parents had been wiser and not given you a name that sounded like some old cinema poster by the side of the road, the kind that everyone spits on!

Then came the Dharmoo, from my rather kinder friends from TN. Then some other people came up with Dhammo, the one I have carried on till date. After the first year of hostel life, nicknames rarely change unless you accomplish something uncommon - like cracking the GRE, topping the class, etc – in which case you acquire “Topper, Studboy, Cracko,” and the likes. Once “Dhammo” stuck, the task that faced my pals was to conjure various combos that could be generated from Dhammo. And they were particularly creative when we were on our way to or back from some college fest, when we had nothing to do, other than take digs at each other. Hence came Dhaemilie – for my rather wild comparisons (Dhammo’s simile) – the most famous being, “ Michael Chang is like a random number,” since he could be found anywhere on court! What would you call a group of Dhammo’s friends – Dhammunity, of course! And what would you call me when I went out with the women- Prince Dharming! What else!

My rather wild habits and affinity for arm wrestling contributed Dhammonster, since I fought like a demon. What would you call me if I could breed propagate my kind independently? Dharmaphrodite.

Thus, we had the following
My propaganda mag – Dhammunist Manifesto. My lack of intelligence – Dhumbo.
My song – Dhummer of 69
My business – Dhommerce
My ads – Dhammercials
My temperature monitor – Dharmameter.
My life of religious tolerance - Dhammunal Harmony
My sadness – Dhammoroseness
My blow - Dharmadi (for those who don’t know colloquial Tamil, Dharmadi is a popular saying for a beating that public bestow upon offenders!)
My designer line – Dharmani!
My favourite vehicle – Dhummer
My bird - Dhumming Bird
My snack – Dhammosa
My season - Dhammonsoon
My forgetfulness- Dhamnesia
My weapons – Dhammunition
My own blue paper - Dhammonia paper
My car - Dhammaruti
My literary work – Dhammoon and Six Pence
My sweet – Dhammoon
My stage production - Dhammusical
My cinema – Dhammovie
My exam format – Dhammultiple Choice
My messages – Dhammunication
My meetings – Dhammune
My favourite cola – Dhums Up (Its actually Thums Up, but I like the way it sounds!)
My pests – Dhammosquitoes
My Russian town – Dhammoscow
My strength – Dhammuscular power
My bomb – Dhammolotov cocktail
My army alter ego – Dhammander
My painter alter ego – Dhammonet
My pay – Dhompensation
My calculator – Dhumputer
My persuasion – Dhompulsion
My encyclopaedia – Dhompendium
My recipe - Dhombination
My version of Bombay Boys - Dhum On baby!
My scooter – Dhamara Bajaj
My charm – Dhammystique
My wish – Dhammanna
My Tamilian alter ego – Dhamby
My flattery - Dhammaska
My shopping arcade – Dhammarketplace
My building blocks – Dhammolecules
My Mediterranean hangout – Dhammascus
My artiste from the 60s – Dhammuddy Waters
My changes – Dhammodification
My evil influence – Dharmful Effect
My fondness for size – Dhammegalomania
My sea creatures – Dhammolluscs
My pets – Dhammestic animals
My poll candidate – Dhammanchurian Candidate
My eyeliner – Dhammascara
My spice – Dhammustard
My TV series – Dhammonty Python
My WWF alterego – Dhammacho man
My movement - Dharmodynamics
My species – Dhammo Sapien
My device - Dhammachine
My spells – Dhammagic
My explorer alterego – Dhammarco Polo

Phew! There are Dhammany more of them. But I shall stop. Now you know why I call this blog Dhammoniker!

By the way there is this friend of mine whom we called Saand (“saand” is bull in Hindi) and then there were more derivatives of the same, like Saandwich is his favourite snack, his story would be called Saands of time and son. But then that’s another story!